Is it something else?

I’m off this week which is good… I like being off and if I had my druthers as stated before I wouldn’t be working but things being the way they are I don’t have much of a choice.

Before I left though I put in a bunch of time to make sure all the t’s were crossed and the i’s dotted. The time goes by so fast and I started back with the company in April and here we are at September and I can see the end of the project coming up rapidly. My contract goes through the end of the year and the project is supposed to be out the door by the end of October.

I know it never happens that way and they’ll be odds and ends to deal with in the first half of November but then I simply don’t know what happens after that. Yes, I have a contract but that didn’t stop them from cutting me loose last time before the contract was up so it really doesn’t mean much of anything.

I wish I had something else lined up but I don’t. I’ve been applying to things somewhat halfheartedly but nothing really has come through. My preference is just to stay with the company I’m working with but it likely won’t happen.

They keep hiring people, in the same ‘department’ I work in doing similar things but I note that without exception everyone is a) female and b) young so there’s no question my gender and age are working against me. Even though it’s discrimination, in this case unlike in other circumstances I’ve been in, I can’t say I feel all the wildly upset.

Mind you I don’t like it but overall the company and the people are pretty good to me outside of this one thing so it’s hard to be entirely outraged.

This go round for the most part I’m thankfully left alone, I do my work and it’s gone smoothly I would think.

Like I said, I’m off but the rub here is that I just can’t get going even though I’m not at work. I’m tired… since it’s Monday I have to make a list, a list of things to do so I don’t waste an entire week. There’s plenty to do I’m just not doing it.

I wonder if it doesn’t have to do with my stomach and the Crohn’s disease. It’s just so very odd how totally wiped out I can feel at times but there is ever the need to just push through it because if I don’t push through it nothing will get done. At least I can nap though…